Try For Me
by so-they-say
Summary: Stan is freaking out. He's not gay. He CAN'T be gay. His life is going great, he's got a girlfriend, his best friends, and South Park...but he doesn't have Kenny. Stenny, ratings may change...eventually.
1. Want to Come Over?

Growing up in South Park sort of has an effect on you.

"CARTMAN YOU BLEEDING RANCID PICKLE QUEEF VAGINA!!!"

Like extensive vocabulary, for example.

I held back one of my best friends, Kenny McCormick, from beating the living shit out of one of my other best friends (sort of), Eric Cartman. Kenny was shaking violently and flailing against me, his thin body surprisingly strong. It took all my strength to hold on to him.

Cartman laughed hysterically, running away with Kenny's old PSP. It now had a huge crack in it's screen. His fat bounced all over as he sprinted/waddled away, going who-knows-where.

"Kenny-KENNY! Calm down man, it's not worth it!" I said desperately, a little out of breath. I was captain of the football team and he was still enough to wear me out.

Kenny's struggle died down a little, but he was still shaking. "Alright, let me go." he snapped.

As soon as I did, he swung his head around to look at me. His bright-orange hood fell, revealing his face and a mess of dirty-blonde hair. It made my heart skip a beat.

"Why the fuck did you stop me Stan?" he snarled.

I was still lost in his piercing ice-blue eyes.

"...dude!"

"Uh...uh, sorry man." I quickly recovered. "I mean, I know he was being a jackass, but it was broken anyway, right?"

"It was still mine!"

"I _know_, just...I couldn't just stand by and watch, dude. No matter how much he deserves it. You can get him back later."

_Did I just give him permission to beat Cartman up anyway? _I wondered in the back of my mind. _Some friend I am..._

"Yeah...whatever." Kenny grumbled. His eyes dulled and he looked toward where Cartman ran off. His hands unclenched from fits. Both of us just stared over the hill, me concentrating on the crystal-white snow (that loses being special when it's all year round), Kenny glowering at the footprints.

"Hey man...do you want to come over and hang out or something? We can watch Terrance and Phillup re-runs and I'll call Kyle over too." I offered a little lamely. I suddenly wanted to do anything to cheer him up.

Kenny looked at me with a curious expression, and once again his eyes made me feel...strange. They went from icy to warm and friendly before my eyes.

"Sure! Better than hangin' at my house by myself, any time." Kenny said. He smirked at me, back to normal.

My stomach fluttered and I had to stop myself from blushing.

_Why am __**I **__not back to normal? What's wrong with me?_ I panicked, doing my best to hide it._ Kenny's having a weird effect on me, today..._

"Okay, cool. Let's go."

We walked back home from the bus-stop, talking and laughing the whole way. What could go wrong?

**********************************************************************************

"I can't come." Kyle sighed. Kenny was in the other room, watching Terrence and Phillip. The thought of being alone with him for the rest of the day, being close, just me and his blue eyes...

"Seriously? C'mon man, why not?" I clutched the phone like it was a lifeline. This couldn't be happening.

"I _can't_, my mom says me and Ike have to go to the Jew Scouts reunion." Kyle's voice was a little irritated, but then again, Kyle was almost _always_ irritated these days. Being harassed by Cartman, his mother, and his new girlfriend Bebe was starting to take it's toll on him.

"Jew Scouts?"

"Jew Scouts."

I sighed, and then hated myself for how shaky it sounded. I sounded weak. And scared shitless.

"Are you okay Stan? You seem funny. What's going on?" Kyle has been my best friend for so long, he can tell when the slightest thing is bothering me. Usually that's a good thing, but right now, it was the opposite of what I needed.

"I'm fine. It's nothing."

"It doesn't _sound_ that way-"

"I SAID IT'S NOTHING!" I yelled into the receiver.

Kenny looked over curiously from the couch, one eyebrow raised. He saw my expression and smirked. I turned away quickly, squeezing my eyes shut and pinching the bridge of my nose. My blush slowly started fading.

"Uh. Well _okay_ then...talk to you later...?" Kyle asked cautiously.

"Yeah...yeah, of course. Sorry about that. I'll call you later."

"Riiiight...bye Stan."

"Bye."

I regained enough control not to slam the phone down, and dropped it back on the table. Every step I took toward the couch made my stomach flutter, my hands bunch into fits, my mouth go dry. I looked up and saw the back of Kenny's head, remembering that he took his hood off. That wasn't going to help at all.

I let myself fall onto the couch with a tiny sigh of defeat.

Kenny stared at me, grinning shyly.

"Uh. You okay, dude?" he asked, observing my slightly pink face. The weight of his stare was making it worse.

"I'm fine, I'm fine." I tried to sound nonchalant. It made me sound even more nervous than before.

Kenny gave me one last confused look before he went back to watching TV. I couldn't concentrate. From the side of my eye I could see him, his adorable blonde hair, his pretty eyes, his perfect face. Adorable, pretty, perfect. _What the hell was going on with me._

Kenny yawned and stretched out, his arm around the back of the couch, centimeters away from me. I suddenly wanted to wrap my arms around him and bit my lip so hard it bled.

This was going to be a long day.


	2. A Little Gay

author: ...I got reviews...?

In the words of the wise Kenny McCormick...

"WHOO!"

xD

I'll be sure to update if you guys like it.

P.S- This one may be a liiiiittle sappy...fluffy...whatever you call it. I don't know if that's good or bad. I guess I forgot to mention in the other chapter, but the characters are a little older.

*disclaimer: I don't own South Park...because then more than half of the characters would be gay in adorable fangirl pairings. So there.

* * *

I slowly started calming down after thirty mind-numbing minutes of Terrance and Phillip. Thank God. Kenny and I didn't say much, just focusing on the show, occasionally snickering or laughing at a fart joke. Every time Kenny laughed a mini-shock of electricity went through my heart, making me blush. The effect slowly began fading after a while, until…

"Um, Stan? Can I talk to you about something?" Kenny asked suddenly, when the show went on commercial break.

_He can tell something's wrong!_ I panicked to myself. I put on a fake, tense smile and said "Sure Ken, what's up?"

Kenny was silent for a moment, and then quickly mumbled something under his breath. It was a habit of his, after talking through his hood so much.

"What?"

"I said…it's gonna sound a little gay, dude." Kenny said uncertainly.

My heart flipped over. _A __**little**__ gay…? __**I'm**__ the one longing for you like some cheesy romance book! _Instead, I did my best to grin naturally. "Uh. Well, get it off your chest. I'm not going to judge." I was amazed by how calm I sounded.

"It's…well…be honest, Stan, do you think I'm attractive?"

_…Why does God hate me?_ I wondered helplessly.

"Um…I-…You…"

Kenny chuckled under his breath, giving me a relaxed smile. "No need to freak, man. I was just asking. It seems like ever since this year of high school started, girls…_like_ me more. They pay attention when I'm talking. They look at me in the hallways. They don't treat me like "the-poor-kid". You know? I was just wondering if it was because they like my sparkling personality or just my face when I take my hood off."

Relief flooded through me. So he hadn't noticed my behavior.

A part of me…was really disappointed.

"It's probably the hood thing." I said, looking back at the TV screen, not really watching it. "You almost never took your hood off in school before this year, you know?"

Kenny nodded. "Yeah, I guess. It's just…why do they care? I'm pretty plain."

_You, plain? You've __**got **__to be kidding me._

I wanted to shake him and tell him he was anything BUT plain, that he was amazing, that his eyes were the most beautiful ones in all of South park, that when girls saw his face, they really couldn't care less that he had Pop-Tarts or frozen waffles for dinner every night.

"You're…not plain, dude." I said, my voice a little strained. When he glanced at me, curious, I gave him another tight smile. "Give yourself some credit."

Kenny snorted.

"Seriously! I-…I heard from some of the girls at school. They say you're pretty hot."

"Pfft."

We both laughed, me a little awkwardly. It was beyond weird to be talking about another guy's looks together. It was a little gay, honestly.

_But that's what you are now, right? _A voice in the back of my head whispered. _Gay?_

_No…NO. _I grimaced. _I…I can't…I…This is just a stage. It'll be gone by today, maybe even earlier._

I peeked at Kenny through my dark hair, and he was grinning, watching Terrance and Phillip. I hadn't even noticed that it had come back on. The way the light hit his hair, how it reflected in his eyes…

I smiled, and this time it was real. Everything suddenly felt warm, safe. I wasn't being flooded with emotion like before, I didn't feel attacked with urges. I felt…right. Happy. I just wanted to reach out and hold Kenny, laugh with him, protect him.

The way the light hit his hair, how it reflected in his eyes…made Kenny look almost like an angel.

* * *

It was around nine or ten when I decided to walk Kenny home.

"This really isn't necessary." Kenny said, amused, as we were walking down my driveway. "I don't live that far away from you. My house is right after the train tracks. I think you can even see it from here."

We looked over to the left, and in the distance we could see the run-down shack, the broken car parts on the lawn, the stray animals wandering about. I wanted to laugh but didn't, just in case I hurt his feelings.

"Well…I don't know, what if you die on the way home?"

With anyone other than Kenny, that question would have been an exaggeration…but this was Kenny. Although he didn't die as frequently as he did when we were younger, he still tended to get killed every now and then. Only now did this really bother me.

"Uh, then I'd come back later, dude, you know that." Kenny scrutinized me, this time noticing my abnormal behavior. Usually me and the rest of the guys ignored the fact that Kenny died so much. It had become regular. And what was the point of mourning when we knew he'd always come back to us? But now…the thought of him dying…

"…Look, I'm walking you home. Whether you like it or not."

Kenny was startled… and then grinned from ear to ear. "Awww, is big Stanny going to protect me? I feel _soooo_ safe now."

"…Shut up. Douche."

He snickered and we continued walking, our feet kicking at the fresh snow on the side of the road. Someone had written their name in the snow in piss. Kenny admired it for a moment. "So Craig was here."

We got to the train tracks, and everything seemed so normal…I was embarrassed for even suggesting walking him home. It was stupid. As I was about to tell him I was going home, I heard a car rev-its engine behind us.

We both spun around.

A yellow Hummer was roaring toward us, its tires spitting up snow.

Kenny was at the edge of the sidewalk, directly in its line of fire.

He didn't even bother to move, he just shut his eyes, like this had happened so many times before…

The moment the Hummer was a foot near the curb, I grabbed Kenny and threw all my weight into pushing him away, tackling him with all of my strength. We crashed backward into the snow. Tires screeched. There was a loud bump, then a loud groan of metal as the under-carriage of the Hummer grinded into the sidewalk.

Then everything was silent.

I open my eyes that had squeezed shut from hitting the ground, and I realized that I was on top of Kenny.

He was looking up at me, his expression absolutely blank, my face inches from his. My brain was screaming at me to get up and get off of him, but I was paralyzed.

"Ah- Ken-"

His eyes were shining in the dark. He suddenly hugged me, so hard I almost couldn't breath…but that was mostly because of his touch, how surprised I was.

"Stan…" Kenny murmured, his voice strained with emotion.

Yep. I'm leaving it off there. :D

* * *


	3. Someone Cares

Hi guys! :D. I happen to have good news, and then I've got some bad news. Prepare yourselves.

The good news is: I got reviews! Seriously, that made me mega happy. I love any advice, criticism, or comments. You guys rock. And yes, Kenny is yummy. XD

The bad news is: Uhm, well there's two. Sucks, I know. First is, I'm going to Florida tomorrow. It's going to be a few days before I'll be able to update. Sorry! I really hope you guys don't mind. But I'm going to Disney with my best friend and $400. So yeah. No regrets there.

The second is: this is probably the worst chapter. That's what I'm **_REALLY_** sorry about. It's like 2 in the morning, I'm sleepy, I have to get up at 7 tomorrow, and I was having writer's block. (excuses, excuses lol). I swear to the South Park god that it's going to be better next chapter, but until then, please bare with me? I'm still working on my writing skills (because they're pretty non-existant). haha. Well, I hope you enjoy this anyway.

oh yeah, and next chapter, I think I'm going to tie in the title...somehow. Give me suggestions on anything and I'll probably take them!

* * *

Everything happened so fast.

It was like my heart had exploded in a flash of heat, and my face was burning so hot I was surprised I wasn't glowing. Kenny was hugging me tight, like _I_ was the one who had almost died…and after all I had gone through today, it felt amazing to be held by him. I couldn't imagine moving. I was barely thinking. The moment dragged on, and I was absorbing every second of it. Like I was melting into his arms. And then…

Kenny suddenly let go of me, grabbed me by the head, and shook it. Hard.

"WHAT. WERE. YOU. _THINKING_?"

My jaw dropped as the moment turned on me in seconds.

Kenny roughly pushed me off of him, getting to his knees. He was shaking all over, his orange parka practically vibrating. And it sure as hell wasn't from tears of gratitude.

"Wh-…what? The fuck do you mean, what was I thinking?! I just saved your life!" I said incredulously, having absolutely no idea what I could have done wrong.

Kenny gaped at me. In the headlights of a passing car, his eyes flashed like sharp diamonds.

"_Stan." _His voice was thick. "I…What… why did you **_DO_** that?!"

"…Dude!" I snapped. My heart was pounding in my chest, but this time it wasn't from affection. My temper started to rise. "Why _wouldn't _I save you? You were about to be run over! I couldn't just let you die like that!"

"But _**why**__?_"

Silence. We stared at each other.

Kenny's eyes locked on to mine for what seemed like ages, and I refused to back down. We glared at each other in the dark. Behind us, the beached Hummer's engine was ticking, cooling itself down. Far, far off in my mind, I thought of the driver. What the hell had happened?

Kenny's eyes suddenly softened a little, getting my full attention...and making me realize that he wasn't mad anymore. He looked miserable. His hands were bunched up into fists at his sides, shaking slightly. Like they were itching to pull on his hood and hide. Like Kenny was…afraid…

Seeing him look at me like that, because of something I did…had me drowning in shame.

"Stan…" He said after another moment. His voice was quiet, but patient. Almost like talking to a little kid. "I die all of the time. Why would it matter now? Why would you put your _self_ in danger like that? You could have gotten hurt or _died_… And if _you _die…"

I finally understood what he was getting at. It made me want to punch myself in the face for a mixture of reasons I didn't really want to think about.

"…you won't...come back." Kenny finished.

He stared at me, waiting for me to say something. I had nothing to say. Waves of embarrassment and frustration made my throat swell. If I tried to talk, I would probably cry or sound on the verge of it. That was the absolute LAST thing I needed right now.

_Damn, this day sucks…_

I sighed, letting my head fall. The thought of looking Kenny in the eyes right now made me feel horrible. And thinking about what _he_ was probably thinking…

Kenny sighed too, and then he put his hand on my shoulder.

"Thank you, Stan." He murmured. He wasn't being sarcastic and he wasn't trying to make me feel worse. But why did he still sound sad?

I forced myself to nod slightly. "Yeah, whatever."

"No, really. No one, and I mean NO ONE has ever put themselves in danger for me." _For a good reason, Kenny thought absently._

"Uh-huh, sure."

Kenny managed to grin.

"Alright man, don't emo about it. No one wants to see you in another goth stage." His voice was light and teasing.

I picked my head up and glared at him. "You promised never to mention that again."

"Just sayin'."

I shook my head, trying not to smile. "Wendy's fault."

"Uh-huh, sure."

We laughed, and all at once, things slowly started to feel okay again. Not back to normal, but okay.

I finally stood up, brushing myself off. My ass was covered in snow, making me notice for the first time since the crash that I was freezing. "Damn, how long have we been sitting here?"

Kenny didn't reply.

I looked back, confused. Now what?

Kenny caught my eye and grinned mischievously, his teeth glinting in the dark. His hair was a mess of wet, icy blonde spikes over his sky-blue eyes. My heart did a somersault.

"Wanna sleep over?"

* * *

...yep, leaving it off there. I know it's moving kind of fast, but usaully I get stuck on details and I take FOREVER. Again, I hope you liked it, and I'll be updating in a few days, I swear. And it will be better. In the name of all that is Stenny. =) love you guys!

P.S- Did I leave it at a cliffhanger? If I did, my bad. :P


	4. Something's strange

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee~! =)

hi.

Sorry if this took a while, but as I said last time, I'm on vacation...and school is starting again soon! Ahhhhh! Gonna be a freshman, people. ^_^

I wanted to try something different, so it's Kenny's point of view this time...sorry if you don't like it, but if you do, yay!

thanks to everybody who reviewed!!! Onyx and Co. did twice, so major kudos. :)

next chapter's coming faster than before, and I'm going to try to make Stan happier...I don't know why I write him to be so unhappy...I guess I keep remembering his goth stage? lol.

* * *

Kenny's P.O.V

I didn't really get why Stan's jaw came unhinged after I asked him to sleep over, but it made me feel a little self-conscience.

"Uh, dude?" I questioned, cocking my head.

"Urk-I'm-wha-"

It was like he was short-circuting.

Stan was blushing, his dark blue eyes on mine seconds before he ducked his head and stared at the ground. I remembered how he had been blushing like this all day. Was he sick or something?

When I reached out to him, he shrank away from me. He muttered a response.

"What?"

Stan looked up with such a tortured expression that I quickly backed off. It was like seeing someone who was looking back at you from the deepest pits of hell. I would know. I've been there.

"We have school tomorrow." His voice was hollow.

I studied his face, trying to see what was making him this upset. "Uh, yeah. You can get your stuff and ride the bus with me."

Silence.

The awkwardness was killing me.

We just stood there in the dark, not saying anything, looking like idiots. I stared at Stan, trying to make eye-contact. Anything remotely friendly. Stan's eyes were glued to his feet. _Why won't he look at me...?_ I wondered. It sort of hurt in a weird, I-thought-we-were-friends kind of way. He had just saved my life. Even though it had been a stupid act of heroism, didn't I owe him?

Then it hit me: he must be thinking about my house.

"Hey, you don't have to come over if you don't want to." I said quickly, trying to hide my embarrassment. "I mean, I know my house is...well, shit, my house sucks. I was just asking." _You don't have to be such a jerk about it. _I wanted to add. _It's not like it's anything new._

"No! It's not that!"

_Then what?! _

"Then what's up, Stan?" I did my best to sound as patient as possible. He was annoying me, hurting my ego, and weirding me out all at the same time.

Stan seemed to notice me noticing. He took a deep breath and then looked me in the eyes. "It's...no big deal. Sorry. I'm not really being myself today."

"No duh there, dipshit."

When he looked startled, I grinned at him. He smiled back. That was all I needed, because all I wanted was for things to be normal again. No awkwardness, no fighting, no weird tention. Just having fun and making fun of each other. Was that so much to ask?

"So, are you coming over or what?"

"Yeah, I'll come over."

"Pffft! Took you long enough to say so!"

"Shutup."

We agreed for both of us to go back to our houses, so Stan could pack and I could clean up the house a little. By I, I meant my mom. I didn't feel like doing anything but have a good time tonight and get some sleep. This whole day had made me really, really fucking tired.

As I walked home, a tiny part of me wondered if Stan would act funny like this for the rest of the night...and what about tomorrow?

What if it would be like this forever...?

A knot tightened in my stomach.

_Don't worry, don't even think about it. _

But I couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong...and was going to stay wrong if something wasn't fixed, and fixed _now. _

I had to find out what was up with Stan.


	5. Control

hi peoplez!

You guys have been awesome! lol. thanks for the support and reviews! I got inspired to write more.

Again, if this is a little cheesy, sorry. I hope it's at least good cheese?

I'm not really a big fan of Wendy...this is just the beginning of what I'm going to do to that character...*evil laughter*

Disclaimer: I don't own South Park. It belongs to Matt and Trey. The awesome bastards. =)

* * *

Stan's P.O.V

_Of all the guys to go gay for, I fell for the one obsessed with boobs._

"Nice room, Kenny." I said. I wasn't sure if my voice a monotone or not, but it was close. Kenny didn't really notice. Instead he gave me a big smirk that made my pulse throb and my cheeks burn again.

_How can you want to punch someone... and then makeout with them... at the same time?_

I looked at the walls, trying not to get too frustrated, in case I actually did punch him...because if I lost control, I didn't want to think about what _else _I could do to him.

All of the walls in Kenny's room were covered in huge posters of girls. Girls in bikinis, girls in biker outfits, cheerleaders...I squinted. Was that a topless picture of Cartman's mom...?!

"Dude." I pointed to it.

Kenny shrugged. "Tits are tits. And fat-boy's mom has a nice rack."

I shook my head, laughing. But inside...

_I never...had a chance. _

The thought cut like a knife.

I rolled out my sleeping bag on the floor next to Kenny's bed. I was a little surprised; it looked like someone had cleaned up a bit. Probably his mom or something. I sat down on my bag and opened my backpack, searching for my cellphone. I found it, turned it on, and checked the inbox.

Sixtey-eight new messages.

"Holy _shit_, dude!" I whined, scrolling through them. Every single one of them was from Wendy.

"What's up?"

I peeked at Kenny from the corner of my eye. He had sat down too and made himself comfortable next to me. At some point he had also taken off his shirt.

I stared blankly at his chest. Kenny's upper arms were lightly corded with muscle. They glowed under the naked bulb hanging from the ceiling. My eyes wandered down to his abs, tight, but not as noticable as someone who worked out a lot...and I realized that I was still staring, my gaze trailing further and further down...

_Damnit, he's wearing pants._

"Wow, Wendy's a little physco, huh?"

I snapped out of it, frantically ripping my eyes away from his body and to his face."W-what!?"

Kenny grinned, holding up his hands. "Hey! I'm not making fun of your girlfriend, I'm just sayin'...jeez, did you even READ some of these?"

I sighed in relief. Kenny laughed.

But he was right; most of Wendy's texts were a little more than obsessive.

I read the first one:

Hi baby~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! going 2 the mall with Bebe, want 2 come?

the next one:

I tried calling, where R U????

the one after that:

Stan y r u ignoring me?!?!?!?!

I skipped through about twenty or so, and then read:

STAN R U CHEATING ON ME

Kenny laughed hysterically at the next one. The letters were screaming off of the screen:

IF I FIND OUT YOU'RE CHEATING I'LL CUT IT OFF I SWEAR!!!! ANSWER ME!!!!

"Shut _up, _Kenny." I snapped.

He pointed at me, still laughing.

"Dude shut up!!! It's not _that _funny."

"HAHAHAHAHaaaa-ahahahaaahahahaa-!"

"Kenny I'm warning you..."

HahahaAHAHAHAHAHAA-"

"Alright that's it."

I tackled Kenny to the floor. He yelped through the laughter, surprised, and then started play punching me. I socked him in the gut, laughing myself. For a few precious minutes I forgot about my stupid crush and we just messed around, like before. Like how it was _supposed_ to be. When I pinned down both of Kenny's arms and then his legs with my knees, I did a victory laugh.

Kenny struggled furiously, forcing me to use all of my strength. I still wouldn't budge.

He glared up at me. "It's not fair! You're a football jock!"

I grinned. "So? You used to be on the wrestling team."

"The uniforms were retarded."

"You're just pissed they wouldn't let you wear your hoodie."

Kenny tried to kick me. I pinned him down harder.

"Damnit, Stan..."

I stuck out my tongue. "Too bad you're too weak to push me off."

He thrashed violently. I pulled my body closer.

Kenny growled, deep in the back of his throat.

I stuck out my tongue again, just because it was too fun teasing him. My face was inches from his. Vaguely, in the back of my mind, I was noticing his eyes again, how they flashed, the light blue that was impossible to look away from...I was practically on top of him. Our chests brushed, and I remembered that he wasn't wearing a shirt. It was just my clothes and his jogging pants between us...the mess of blonde spikey hair, his mouth...

"Stan? What-"

I lost all control, my whole conscience.

I slammed my lips onto his.

* * *

hope you liked it guys! Sorry the last two have been so short. xD


	6. Mistakes

felt like updating, so I did. :P

thanks be to everyone who reviewed! Many kudos I bestow upon thee heads.

uh.

lawl.

* * *

Kenny's P.O.V

Stan kissed me...and time seemed to stop. Instead of thought, my brain registered senses...I felt the weight of him on top of me, his heart beating wildly against my chest, his warm breath, those lips pressed on mine...I could barely handle the assualt of feelings. Surprise, shock, fear, realization....

...and rising above them all, _want._

One of my best friends was kissing me like I'd never been kissed before...and I didn't want him to stop. _Him. I was making out with a guy. _A lot of me cared, but I couldn't stop. I let him kiss me, surrendering to the sensations.

After what seemed like forever, Stan slowly pulled away, his face looking so dreamy and content...until he realized what he had just did.

The look of pure horror in his eyes was almost funny.

**"K-! K-Kenny, oh my God-"**

"Stan-"

"_I didn't mean to, it was an acciedent-"_

"Wait-"

_"_Seriously, I just got caught up-I didn't realize-"

"But-"

"I would have never-I-...aw, _Jesus Christ_-"

Frustrated, I kissed Stan roughly on the lips, trying to make him shut up. It worked. His lips instantly buckled under mine...and then he was kissing back, every inch of him radiating heat. He moved desperately into me, tasting, his teeth nipping at my lips like they were candy. I couldn't believe it. What was going on? Why was he doing this?

More importantly, why was I _liking _this?

I let Stan explore, a little helpless. And then I felt the tip of his tongue. A whole new wave of shock and longing rocked through me...and i knew if I didn't end it this now, it could go on...much farther than I was ready for. I gently took his face in my hand...and pushed him back. I could feel his surprise, his reluctance to stop. He opened his eyes, the sea-blues almost shy, scared that he had went too far. I sighed.

"Stan." I said firmly, my hand on his cheek. It was burning beneath my palm.

_What am I supposed to say to him? Sorry, I really liked that, but I'm not gay? _

"I...we...gotta talk."

"Kenny, I'm sorry. " Stan mumbled weakly. He sounded so sad...

"It's...this is...this _was_...just a mistake. Okay? We got carried away, it's late, and it's been a long day. I guess we just had to get rid of some of the tention...or something. Right?"

His eyes looked so ashamed. "Y-yeah, of course. Mistake."

I nodded. "_Big_ mistake." _That I had liked._ I shook the thought away. I flat out refused to think about it any further."Tonight never happened, agreed?"

Shakily, "Agreed."

"And we're still friends?"

He smiled, a little sad. "Definatley."

And that was all I needed to here. Stan quickly pulled himself off of me, and I sat down on my bed, trying to relax. My nerves were on high focus; jittery.I couldn't imagine how I was supposed to sleep."Let's just...go to bed, okay?"

"Yeah."

I turned off the lights and crawled into bed. Normally, I'd sleep without the covers. I didn't like sleeping in clothes, either. But now, after what happened, with Stan here...

I pulled the blanket up to my torso, rolling over so that I faced the wall. A poster of a bikini model smiled back at me. I forced myself to stare at it, trying to forget everything, trying to be mesmerized by her body...

And I remembered the way Stan's lips had worked mine, the pressure, the warmth.

_Damnit, Marsh!!!_

"Goodnight..." I said. My voice was a little strained, but otherwise sounded normal.

"Night, Kenny."

I stared at the poster for hours, almost until sunrise.

Stan's P.O.V

In the dark, I had never felt more alone.

_Why did you do that!?!_ I wanted to yell at myself. _Why would you do that to him? To yourself?_

_What did you expect...?_

I stared at the ceiling, trying to find answers in the cracked, faded plaster. Nothing came to me. It had been my own fault. I had lost control. And I could have lost so much more than that...

_We're still friends...he said we're still friends...right?_

But were we, really? How were we supposed to just forget that? What I did?

_He kissed me back. _

I shut my eyes, begging sleep to take me. I didn't want to listen to myself anymore, and I sure as hell didn't want to remember. Behind my eyelids I kept replaying those moments, his lips, the kiss...

_He kissed me back. I don't care what he said, he kissed me back._

"That doesn't mean anything." I murmured under my breath.

I don't know when I fell asleep, but the thoughts never stopped going. I was just too tired to pay attention.

_He kissed me back..._

_It really happened..._

_He kissed..._

_...me back..._

I welcomed unconsciousness with open arms.


End file.
